Diffraction (Atrophy) Read online

“Let me take a blood sample.” She hadn’t meant to blurt out the words so bluntly, had planned to ease him into the idea, talk him around to seeing reason. “Let me run some tests. I understand why you’ve been refusing to talk—you don’t owe us anything. But if you want to help yourself, if you want to help me, then let me take some blood and run a sample. It’s the only way you’re going to get out of this.”

  He glanced away, a muscle pulsing in his cheek as his jaw clenched. She deflated a little, the stubborn angle of his head telling her he was going to refuse again. But he closed his eyes and blew out a short, sharp breath.

  “What if the results make things worse?”

  Her heart thumped a few painful bursts with apprehension and confusion. “How could they—”

  He returned his gaze to her, light blue eyes burning with a cold light of foreboding. “What if I’m something else?”

  “Something else?” She resisted the urge to step back as she processed this piece of conjecture.

  He heaved a sigh, closing his eyes for a long moment.

  “I’m not what I seem,” he finally said, his tone harsh.

  She swallowed, wanting to ask what he meant, but was unable to form any words. Was he actually Reidar? One who was different from the others and could resist the stunner’s effects to change him? Or what if he truly meant something else. Some other undiscovered type of alien? If there was one other species besides humans out there in the universe, who was to say there weren’t another hundred? The idea was almost too much to grasp, and she got her wild imaginings under control.

  He opened his eyes again, resignation in the silver-blue depths, along with hints of pure mercury. “I wasn’t surprised that I survived the stab wound or how fast I healed. The truth is—”

  His words broke off with a low, ragged curse and she closed the remaining distance between them to reach up and set her hand on his jaw. Despite her rampant conjecture a moment ago, the explanation would be the most logical one—his healing abilities were similar to Ella’s, so maybe he was somehow related to the Arynians.

  “Whatever it is, if it has nothing to do with Rian and the Reidar, then I’ll keep your secret. We can convince Rian together that you don’t know anything, especially if I run these tests and nothing shows up.”

  “But that’s the thing. I don’t know what the sample will show. I’ve never been tested. When I joined the IPC, I switched out what should have been my blood with a sample a buddy of mine gave me, no questions asked. Since then, if I happened to get injured—”

  “You healed yourself and never sought medical attention,” she concluded. “But why?”

  “Because I’ve been running from my birthright ever since I was a kid.” He closed his mouth, clenching his jaw.

  “You’ve never told anyone?” She could see it in the edge of vulnerability in his gaze.

  He shook his head. “And if it gets out, it’ll change everything.”

  “But it won’t change the way I see you. I can promise that.” She didn’t know why she made that vow. Why should it matter to him what she thought? They were almost complete strangers thrown together through an unfortunate domino chain of events in a game far larger than the two of them.

  But he released a low breath, as though her insistence had been exactly what he needed to hear.

  “I have…” He paused, clearly trying to choose the right words. “I have abilities. Powers. Healing is just one. You felt it when I was touching you after I’d been stabbed. And just now when I kissed you.”

  “That vibration? It was warm, like a tropical breeze.”

  “That’s it, yeah.”

  On the verge of finally getting the answers, her pulse spiked, like riding the high of a medical emergency and knowing just what to do to save a life.

  “Can you heal only yourself, or others as well?” Yep, the scientist within her had perked right up, wanting to know all the details. Ella was the only other person she’d met with these abilities, but since the priestess had come onboard, she’d tried to be circumspect about grilling the poor woman for information. “And what else can you do besides healing?”

  “That’s just it. I don’t know. I didn’t want to know. When I was fourteen, I accidentally started hearing thoughts from my foster parents and other kids. I’d always known I could heal myself and even kind of influence people into doing things. But when the mind reading started, I knew I was in trouble, so I buried the abilities as fast and deep as I could.”

  “Trouble?” she repeated, not understanding why a kid with next-gen evolutionary abilities would want to get rid of them.

  “Because of what would have happened to me if anyone else had figured out the truth. I would have been sent to Aryn and forced into training to become a priest. I might not have known much at fourteen, but I sure as hell knew that wasn’t the life I wanted to live.”

  “Would it have been so bad? You would have been taught about your full potential, and, as I understand it, you would have always had a safe place to belong, maybe even an important role—”

  “And not a single damn choice about anything again in my life.” He glanced past her, as if worried someone was going to appear or overhear their conversation. “The IPC don’t like people with any kind of abilities floating around the universe unchecked. They’ve got an agreement with the Arynians. That’s why the kids are taken and trained, because the Arynians can influence their beliefs and keep them in line. If an adult is discovered, they disappear. An adult with my kind of powers, who hasn’t done Arynian one-oh-one, is viewed as a potential threat.”

  She’d never thought too closely about the Arynians. Even after Ella had come aboard, she hadn’t considered the details. It seemed ridiculous to think the government would simply kill anyone with extra-evolutionary abilities simply because they hadn’t been given the extensive training of the Arynians. But a few years ago, she would have said shape-shifting aliens were ridiculous.

  “You don’t believe me.” His disappointed words brought her attention back to him.

  “I do. It’s just taking a second to sink in.” She shook her head, putting the information away to think about later. “So you think that’s why the stunner affects you, because of your abilities?”

  “At first, yes. But now, it’s like my insides have been scrambled. There’s something in there, Kira, deep down. Something new. Something aggressive, hateful, and destructive. Something that wasn’t there before. It’s getting harder and harder to keep it down. When I almost strangled your security guy, it was because the hostility had taken over. I’d lost control. And I’ve been having dreams of places I’ve never been, but they’re so real they’re more like a memory. And the language spoken, something I can’t understand but know—”

  He dropped his chin, releasing a harsh breath. Tension rippled through every line of his body, as though he was trying to get hold of himself. Finally, he brought his head up, eyes drowning in shadows of both apprehension and self-loathing.

  “I need help. If this keeps up, I don’t know where it’s going to end. Next time I lose control, you might be the one I attack.”

  It was no small thing, the trust he was placing in her and asking for help. She shouldn’t read into it, shouldn’t think it was anything other than the fact she was a doctor who’d done everything to help him since he’d come aboard. Except the part of her with no sense wanted it to mean more.

  Considering everything he’d just told her, she should be backtracking out of this brig as fast as she could. But instead, she pressed forward, setting her hand lightly in the middle of his chest, right over his pounding heart. There was no point questioning her motives. She had no explanation for leaping headfirst into what would no doubt amount to more danger, apart from the undeniable fact that she’d abandoned all logic to follow her instincts.

  “I can help you, Varean. No matter what happens, I will help you.”

  “If you do the tests, how long will it take for the results?” A hint of stubborn
ness entered his expression, telling her that he was still ready and willing to fight.

  The medbay was her domain, the unspoken rule on the ship that no one messed with her things. She could run the tests on her commpad completely separate from the onboard systems so no one would know, though it might take longer on the limited power of the small tablet. Or, she could run an isolated program in her medbay systems and hope no one noticed.

  “I have no idea how long it will take. The Imojenna isn’t exactly a flying genetics lab. There are probably entire DNA components missing in the computer’s medical program. It could take a few days.”

  One side of his lips lifted in a crooked, grim smile. “And how do we keep Sherron or his gorilla from questioning me in the meantime?”

  “Gorilla?”

  “The security guy. Callum.”

  She gave a short laugh, letting some tension go with it. “Oh, you mean Callan. Well, for a start, don’t call him a gorilla to his face, no matter how appropriate it might be.”

  “I’m not making any promises. Being chained up tends to make me a little cranky.” He grimaced as he adjusted his shoulders, though the movement was restricted, due to the way his arms were stretched above his head.

  “Don’t worry about Rian or Callan. I’ll find a way to run interference until the results come through.”

  He gave up on trying to improve his position and speared her with an intense look. “Guess at this point I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

  She returned his stare with a steady, implacable one of her own. “You have a choice. This is about what’s smart.”

  He glanced upward, biceps flexing as he tightened his grip on the chain, like maybe he was thinking about simply yanking himself free the way he had on the gurney in her medbay. But while he might have found enough desperate, adrenalized strength to break the cuffs, the metium-reinforced chain connecting him to an upper bulkhead brace was an entirely different story.

  After a long moment, he blew out a hard breath and returned his gaze to her. “Okay, Kira, do what you have to. Take the sample and run the tests.”

  She gave him a quick nod, forcing herself not to outwardly react, despite the relief blasting through her like a ship’s slipstream. She hurried from the brig and headed up to her medbay for the equipment she’d need.

  Once she’d returned, Varean watched her with all the intensity of a caged tiger when she approached, muscles coiled as though he’d spring into deadly action the second he got free. Ignoring the shiver chasing over her skin, she stopped a few steps away and studied him with clinical precision.

  “Considering your current situation, I’m going to have to take the blood from your ankle, since I can’t get your arms down. It’s not ideal but—”

  “It’ll be fine. Let’s just get it over with.” The words were loaded with apprehensive impatience so, before he could change his mind, she knelt down and pushed the bottom of his cargo pants midway up his calf.

  It took three tries to find a useable vein, but Varean didn’t so much as make a noise or shift. She took four vials of blood, not really sure how much she’d need, deciding it would be better to have too much than have to come back later and ask him for another sample. When she was done and withdrew the cannula, the small pinprick didn’t bead with even a single drop of blood. In fact, she couldn’t even see where the needle had gone in. Well, that healing ability definitely came in handy.

  “All done. Now let’s see about getting you cleaned up a bit.”

  Varean didn’t say anything, still didn’t move, just continued to watch her with predatory intent. She took his silence as an agreement and bent down to retrieve the cloth, rubbing it between her hands to work up a lather with the soap.

  She studied the streaks of blood, forcing herself not to notice the sculpted muscles standing out in stark relief. Who was she kidding? She’d gone way beyond the point of being able to shove him back into the neat confines of the usual doctor-patient relationship.

  Thick whiskers now dusted his angular jawline and, despite the fierce expression on his face, the burn of frustration in his silver-blue eyes, and the fact he’d clearly been run down hard in the past few days, he was undeniably sexy. The thought rammed itself into the forefront of her mind and wouldn’t budge.

  Though she’d never been attracted to overtly muscular, powerfully built men before, Varean wasn’t a typical brainless macho soldier. She’d also very definitely never been attracted to one of her patients. She’d never wanted to ride that cliché, and yet here she was, in way over her head with him with no warning. One second she’d been floating like usual, the next she’d found herself drowning in too many confusing emotions.

  Swallowing down a ripple of awareness, she forced herself to disengage—made easier by years of practice. When it came to patients who were severely injured or distressed, like most doctors, the easiest way to cope was to turn to the side of herself that didn’t see anything except a subject, a problem, or an issue that needed solving, one piece at a time.

  Her mind back in familiar territory, she shifted forward and set the cloth against his skin, just below his collarbone. She focused on nothing except the dark red streaks of dried blood until the cloth and water in the bucket had turned red, and Varean was clean.

  Last, she took a second cloth and patted down his damp skin—not that it made much difference. He was sweating all over from the heat of the engines. The fabric of her own clothes had started sticking to her skin, but at least she could leave here, take a cool shower, and put on something fresh. Once again, thinking too closely about Varean being chained down here made frustration rise through her in a hot pulse.

  “I know I’ve already said it, but I’m sorry about this.” She took half a step back as she glanced up at him. He had his eyes closed, a tense expression on his face. Fatigue or pain? Either would be likely, considering everything he’d been through, ending with him chained up like a rabid animal.

  “Stop apologizing, Kira. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” His voice sounded a little strained.

  Offering him some pain relief crossed her mind. But for one, he’d probably pull the macho I’m-fine-don’t-need-no-damn-pain-meds trick, and second, after his extreme reaction to both the sedative and adrenaline, she was hesitant to give him anything in case he had yet another reaction. His body had been through so much, next time she might not be able to save him.

  “You should get on. Go do whatever you have to with that gallon of blood you took.” He opened his eyes to focus on her, taut lines around his mouth. Still, his exaggeration made a smile tug at her lips.

  “It wasn’t a gallon.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “Fine, it was more like two gallons.”

  The left side of his lips quirked upward. “Thought so.”

  Bending down, she tossed all the cloths and Varean’s ruined shirt into the bucket, tidying up what little mess she’d made. After that, she retrieved a bottle of water, screwing off the lid and holding it up.

  “Think you can keep it down? I could get a drip set up if you prefer—”

  He cocked his head in a gesture to indicate she should come closer. “I’ll be fine. I should probably count myself lucky to get this. I’m pretty sure I could guess Rian’s opinion about you setting up a drip.”

  A week ago—heck, maybe even yesterday—she would have made some flip comment about how Rian could take his opinion and vent it out the nearest hatch. But after the revelations of that dead ship…

  While she hadn’t lost her faith or trust in the captain, she was taking all the rumors about him more seriously.

  Pushing aside the uneasy sensation, she stepped up and held the bottle to Varean’s mouth, tipping it slightly so he could drink. A rivulet of water escaped and trickled down his neck, right between his pecs, and it took a long nanosecond to realize she’d watched the progression of the droplet with too much mesmerized fascination. Snapping her gaze back to his face, relief flared sinc
e it seemed he hadn’t noticed. Still, a light flush crawled upward through her chest. At least if her cheeks were going bright red, she could blame it on the damn heat.

  When he’d had enough, she lowered the bottle and screwed on the lid.

  “I’ll come back in an hour or so to give you more water. It won’t take much for you to end up dehydrated in this heat.”

  By the tightening of his jaw, he didn’t appreciate the observation. Or maybe it was her statement about returning he didn’t like, worrying she would get herself in trouble with Rian. Either way, if she hadn’t already seen him more than half dead and saved his life two—or was it three?—times over, the uncompromising set to his face would have been intimidating.

  “I already told you, if playing doctor with me is going to get you in trouble with Sherron—”

  “Who said anything about playing?” She stooped down to grab the bucket. “I’m not some backwater hack who got her doctor’s license online after watching half a dozen medi-vids. I’m a real doctor; I trained at a real medical school and interned at a real hospital.”

  Varean winced. “I didn’t mean—”

  “And I’m sure as hell not going to sit up-ship with a coffee and snack while someone gets dehydrated,” she continued right over him. “So for what it’s worth, I’m telling you not to waste any energy trying to escape. Get some rest, don’t draw attention to yourself, and maybe I can keep Rian from questioning you until the tests are done.”

  That little slice of hope was hollow at best—like using paper to make a ship hull. It wouldn’t hold out for any time and was foolish to consider in the first place.

  Before Varean could argue, she left, not bothering to close the barred door. No doubt he’d totally ignore her and start trying to work out a means of escape before her feet even hit the stairs. So maybe she should have locked the brig.

  Despite what he’d said about losing control, she trusted him and didn’t think he’d hurt anyone on purpose if he did escape. If they tried to stop him, that might be a different scenario. And yeah, maybe there was a small part of her that hoped he would get free, sneak through the ship without encountering anyone, and steal one of the skimmers to find his freedom. It wasn’t very likely, though. The chances of him not getting caught were minuscule.